My mother’s rebellion
My mother is a psychic and medium.
I think she knows it, but on the surface level she goes to Church every week to try and prove she’s not.
She is an immensely complicated person.
Her story is that she is from the same line of patriarchical shamans as me. Probably lifetime after lifetime of exactly the same thing… being used for our sexual and psychic energy while being controlled and manipulated in various ways.
At the dawn of Christianity in Eastern Europe, she finally betrayed them. This included me. Was beaten, tortured. In the barbaric way of the dark ages.
She got a financial reward.
This was her first taste of power.
The ancestors have never gotten over it. They can’t believe that a woman did this to them… Its hilarious.
I have been tortured and murdered and abused so many times that I got over it.
They have haunted her ever since. Its a weird dynamic.
She was a rubbish parent. They had to push her to do anything with us. For her, marriage, divorce and parenthood was a way to set herself up with money. The only was she had.
In fairness, what the ancestors have done to me psychically has damaged me more. I am pretty self sufficient and most of her energies went to my brothers anyway. I was left to it, getting books from the library and cleaning my room for something to do. I quite liked the solitude and the time to think. I liked not have a male parent around.
She plays with the ancestors. Pretends that she listens, that she cares about their values. Women stay at home, being a homemaker, she lectures me about it sometimes… But it doesn’t sound like her. She says it so they stay off her back. Women have learnt to play along to save their own skin. They have done it for centuries. Pretended to care about their children even, as that was their only “job” and their only way to keep off the streets.
Actually, what I have learnt is that the ancestors and guides do not know what I am thinking and feeling. They impose their own assumptions and desires onto me and my life. If I put on a happy face in a miserable relationship, then they assume I “love” him. No. I think I instinctively had boyfriends only to get them off my back… to give me space to do what I want to do.
They use me to get to her. If she apologises to me for being rubbish, then they win. Then they have gotten control back. She knows that they are desperate for this, so she plays with them.
But I don’t care about my mother. All I wanted to do is be independent and to have a career. They destroyed that. Everything else is meaningless. I knew how to heal myself. I needed to be allowed to be a complete person.
They wanted me to call out my mother for being rubbish. Probably more for being bad to my brothers than to me. I don’t know. The whole family was a feeling of intense psychic manipulation. There was no need to think or rationalise it. The only option was to get out of it.
It would be so so easy for me to have gotten what I wanted in this modern world, with time and energy to spare, if they had just stopped attacking me for one week of one year in my lifetime. I am forever looking back and seeing the booby traps they have put in place.
They have been attacking both our fields. Using my own psychic field and energy to get to my mother’s. The other week, they spend the entire time getting into my spinal column and my nervous system. They were trying to force open the back of my heart, to get my to cry. Fuck them. Its insane.
My mother should be allowed her sense of power. Its hers. If they don’t like it, then they should leave it alone.
At the end of the day, these ancestors literally took my physical and etheric and mental energy to help my brothers earn more money. Women have been forced to be “spare livers” for men for centuries. So what they she fought back to get some financial security for herself?
